Mothers Day "To Act or Not to Act?"

With Mother's Day looming, thoughts of breakfast in bed, flowers & maybe even a choccie croissant (yeah, right - like that happens every year!) went out of the window with a call to film a popular alien movie. It was almost certain that I would be chosen so Mothers Day would have to be postponed. However, two nights before filming I got the dreaded text:

'Sorry, you have not been chosen."

Oh well, never mind, I had Mothers day to look forward to, didn't I?

About 11am the next morning my mobile rang.

"They changed their minds & want you for a costume fitting."

"When?"

"Now!"

This would have been fine but I was nowhere near where I should have been and, at that moment in time, was car less!

"Of course I can do it, no problem." said I with somewhat pseudo confidence.

S**t! How to  get to the nearest station? No time to do hair & make up or even to put on my best pants - today I would  have to be Bridget Jones!  An Electrician working near by heard my plight (expletives) & I explained my predicament to him.

"Got the van outside, hop in."

He will never know how grateful I was ( and still am to this day).

I made it to NW10 with time to spare.  I needn't have worried. I walked in , introduced myself & was asked to wait. So, I sat on the stairs ( there were no chairs) & waited...and waited...and waited.  I found I was beginning to develop a slight cough - you know the type - the 'I'm coughing to remind you I'm still here' cough. Eventually, someone came to see me & showed me into the gents dressing room which had seating.

"We'll have to move you out if any men need dressing."

Well, I wasn't there for long, when, you've guessed it,

"We need the room back again." So back to the stairs  I went. Lots of men for 'costume' came and went.  I stayed put. I stood up, walked around, pretended to have a fascinating text & was about to give up hope when finally after an hour and a half I was summoned up to the dressing area along with another girl that had just shown up.

Walking in to the room I could see what the hold up had been. A lovely young girl was being fitted, or should I say not fitted, into various suits, dresses, in fact anything they could find that was a size 6 or preferably smaller.

The girl next to me began to strip off wearing, to my horror, the most beautiful Teddy, stockings and the most beautiful suspender belt. I, on the other hand was frantically trying to get out of my jeans to get into the black suit. on offer. This wasn't an easy task, my jeans refused to leave me...leaving me sort of half kicking and half pulling them off - how graceful!

Now, I am a size 10, always have been and probably always will be. However, standing next to Miss size 6 & Miss Underwear (size 4) I felt as if I were size of an elephants rear end. There they stood, completely at ease with themselves, whilst I tried to pull off my jeans and at the same time, get in to this skirt which refused to budge any further than half way up my thighs...showing off my large Bridget Jones style pants and my socks, one of which had a hole (Well, I wasn't expecting to go out, was I?). By this time the second dresser had come to help. Looking at the first girl now sporting a beautiful fitted dress she draped an elegant coat over her shoulders whilst showing her some gorgeous shoes. The skirt that had refused to budge over my thighs was taken off me and given to Miss Underwear along with a matching jacket which, of course, fitted perfectly. So,  there the two of them stood looking elegant whilst I stood there in my large pants, holy socks  and don't even go there about the bra... I began to think that possible everybody in 1960s was incredibly stick thin.  Surely somebody must have eaten in those days? A second skirt was offered which merely added to the humiliation as the zip couldn't be done up. Costume dressers talked of 'letting it out' and a tape measure was suddenly whipped out in front of me. Sudden measurement death was about to occur, especially with Miss Size 6 & Miss Underwear still watching.  I was spared the indignity of  the tape measure as a suit hanging on the rail caught one of the dressers eye. It was thrust toward me with the sort of sigh that says 'It's going to be a long day". I grabbed it & pulled  on the skirt - it fitted! It had a matching jacket & came with beige shoes & handbag.  I did feel a bit like Margaret Thatcher when a beige hat was found and plonked on top of my head!

Two days later the filming took place at Somerset House in the Strand. Call time was midday, so as I was early, I took coffee on the terrace which was bathed in sunlight & thought,

"It doesn't get much better than this."

So, look closely at the opening of X Men, you might, just might see a lady sitting at a cafe table sipping wine with a gentleman - who knows, it might just be me!

Feature or not to feature?

Shortly after, I was asked to do a 'Vox Pop". This, apparently, is an informal interview. I would be asked questions in front of a camera - sounded simple enough. I was then asked if I could take on a second job for that day, same place, different director - well, I thought, daft not too! Off I went to Hampton in Middlesex, very lovely place - very Jeremy & Jemima with gated communities. The shoot was in a private house so, I arrived on time (having explored the area for the previous hour, of course), bounced in, saying "Hello" to everyone and was shown to a small, albeit, adequate room where three other girls were waiting. After tea, I was asked to go to the kitchen, don a pinny and demonstrate how to make croissants from a pack of ready pastry. This was such a blast from the past as I had previously made these over 20 years ago! Nothing quite like having warm croissants & coffee in bed on a Sunday. I hasten to add this was B.C. (before children). So there I was, being filmed sipping tea (cold tea at that) and making croissants. Once made, I had to sit on a stool, eat the croissants, be interviewed & filmed at the same time - not an easy task. Sadly, I didn't gel too well with the Director who was asking the questions so answering didn't come automatically. The sad thing was, I got on great with the client so perhaps they should have switched over although I doubt if the director would have been too pleased!
The second half of the job was for a Mexican sauce. The director came into the room and told one girl that she wasn't needed for the afternoon. I had my toes and fingers crossed that I wouldn't be sent the same way as it was a low paid job and the train fare high! Before we started we were given lunch, which was quite unexpected - homemade tomato soup & fresh bread with a cheese board to follow. I think this was the sweetener for what was about to follow. We were handed scripts to be learned within the hour. This wasn't quite what I had agreed to when I took the job. Although I find script learning no problem, the fee didn't in any way reflect the effort of line learning. However, it was to get a whole lot worse...Having learned my lengthy script, one girl said that she needed to leave early so we agreed to swap slots. Unbeknown to me this also meant swapping scripts...When my time came, I went in to the room, rehearsed my lines to camera only to be told,
"We've changed the script. You've got a new one."
I had just five minutes to learn the new one and to be filmed saying said script whilst being filmed serving cannelloni to a young lad playing my son. Fortunately, it all went well & we finally wrapped some time after 6pm. It did teach me something though - always expect the unexpected!

Do It Yourself!

My next job took me to a place near to the O2 centre for a well known D.I.Y store. I was, as usual, far too early ( I am always without exception an hour too early resulting in either lots of walking around the area or reading in the car). Eventually I arrived to meet A.D and have a bite to eat. Breakfast is always one of the highlights of the day - fried, boiled, poached, grilled whatever - they can normally do it for you. Initially, people were quiet towards each other but everyone got to know each other as people were paired off. To my delight, I had the pleasure of being paired up with a Shane Richie look a like & we very quickly discovered we had the same sense of humour resulting in non stop laughter for the rest of the albeit short, day He was very keen to be visible in the commercial so was very chuffed when he found out we were to be a couple choosing bathroom tiles just behind the main actors. I immediatley took on the role of "Wife choosing tiles" & he looked quite shocked when I asked him which tiles he preferred.
"My God, you're really getting in to this!"
We then, spent the rest of the day meandering amongst the plants and wheeling our trolley in and out of the entrance at least twenty times!
When the commercial aired, I did have a slight smirk when I saw that we had been blurred out which of course, started my new name as "Mrs Blur!"

The Stardom Bustop

I often wonder about the youngsters that come in to this game. People of a certain age (well, ok then, my age!) take the job for what it is & actually the more of a 'blur' you create as a Supporting Artist, the better it is. However, many youngsters want the instant stardom. They believe that by being an extra they will be discovered. They won't. Oddly enough, it is usually the people who have never acted that seek the stardom the most. These are people who have never been near a stage, never experienced the highs (& lows) of an acting workshop or have any experience of any acting anywhere. How do they know they want to act unless they have experienced it & been given direction? Furthermore, how do they know if they're any good at it? I've worked hard for the last 21 years, experimenting with different forms of acting, worked with numerous Directors, writers, groups, individuals & learned hundreds of scripts. Learning about Characterization, interacting with the other actors, researching various emotions is essential whether on stage, film or TV. These others, seem to think that they can just stand in the middle of everyone and say "Here I am" and expect someone to  fish them out of the big pond.

Well, anyway, I shall continue plodding along whichever path opens up to me & will leave them standing at the proverbial bus stop to be a professional passenger forever seeking the stardom stop.

I wish them well.

On the buses!

Next, I was asked if I would take a somewhat, low paid Corporate job involving buses & cameras (no comments pleases!). The idea was to film us from all different directions as we became pick pockets or victims, assaulted people, or got unwelcome advances from young men (sadly, I missed out on that one). I was sitting next to the clients representative, unbeknown to the director who proceeded to  ask the client rep. to play a drunk & aggressive passenger. Throwing her hands up in horror she protested saying:
"I am not an actress! I can't act!" and looked toward me beseechingly. From nowhere this confident voice said:
"No problem, I'll do it." I looked round to see where this voice had come from only to see all eyes looking my way. Slowly it dawned on me that actually it was me speaking!
I was dressed in my daughters best Chavvy coat (I  was asked to be a 'chav') so I pulled up my hood, shoved my mock Ugg boots on to the opposite chair then started to be a sleepy,  and very unhappy drunk. I also had to attack the Clients rep as she tried to get  past me. I only had one shot at this so I thought let's just go with it & hope it goes down o.k.
When I finished there was this horrid silence.....before a round of spontaneous applause! Phew!