MI5

Request from an agency - could I play an MI5 officer in a feature film? No problem - I dug out my black suit and dark shirt, black boots. I even had on a black coat with a large black handbag. Well, I couldn't imagine an MI5 Officer in bright red, blue or orange!

Breakfast first and then in to hair and make up. I love having my hair done. I always turn up on set with it styled but I love it when they want to do something else with it so I was more than happy to jump in to the chair and have what can only be called, ringlets put in to my hair! I wasn't too sure about the look but they were paying more than the average shoot so compliance was the answer. Into the mini bus we went with Ben, the 3rd A.D shouting in to his  walkie talkie "S.As are travelling" meaning the Supporting Artists are on their way. We got out of the mini bus and Into an office building  where we were to be for most of the  day.  Now, although being an MI5 Officer sounds exciting, well, I thought it sounded exciting, it amounted to nothing  more than being sat behind a computer screen looking for terrorists.  The screen of course, having been preloaded so the same scenario was running over and over again. 

One  person however, sat opposite me, couldn't quite get the hang of the screen and after it had been reset several times, still managed to have a blank screen even though he was not not to touch it  - Ever. Having made himself known to the Director, you can imagine how we all squirmed when a mobile went off and who was it? You guessed it.

Lunch time came and we headed  back to base to grab lunch. The minibus doors opened and  I stood up and went out of the back. As I held on to the handle ,I some how twisted my arm badly and this searing pain went through my shoulder. I was later to find out that I had torn my ligaments. Not one to cause a scene, I grabbed lunch with my one good arm and crunched down on some painkillers. Back to the office again and more looking at computer screens with the odd walk  about thrown in for good measure. This shoot stays in my mind not only because that's where I wrecked my shoulder but because the leading actress couldn't remember any of her lines.... Dear God, we all knew the lines by the end of the day! But hey, we all have off days....but we could have finished an awful lot earlier.....

Running scared

An ad appeared on Starnow for people to be part of filming for a film that used to be a series starring Dennis Waterman.

I applied. At first they didn't  want to give me the job as they thought  that due to my acting work, I wouldn't enjoy being an extra.... job secured  I was asked to go into Central London in a business suit and with my car as they would be filming me driving.....

I was a bit  worried about that - I mean, it's fine driving when nobody notices you but we all know what parking is like when someone is standing there gawping as you valiantly try parallel parking...

After breakfast (it's a wonder I'm not the size of a house with all this eating) I was  told that  my driving services wouldn't be required - phew! The Mall had been closed off due to a Foreign Prime Ministers visit. I was paired up with Katharine a beautiful leggy brunette. We were asked to run from the gun man (well, you would, wouldn't you?). I'm just over 5'2" so running  alongside Katharine  was no mean feat but thank goodness for flat boots! I'm sure it must have looked very comical with Katharine pulling me behind her as I tried to keep up.

After that I had to cross by the main actor who was being gawped at by tourists. The road had been closed off except for taxis so of course everyone wanted to know what was happening and who the  main actors were. Eventually people moved on and filming could take place.

After lunch - this is one time  where lunch was not only awful but served up in plastic boxes and had to be eaten standing up in case we were needed, we started filming in the local park.

There was a man with a laid bike trike usually used to ferry passengers about, now being used to ferry the camera about. He could certainly go at some speed! More shooting, people cowering, the usual chase sequence - actually if this happens in real life I probably would assume it's someone filming. 

There was a great stunt lady on this one. She had to walk in the park with a pram and be thrown to the ground. She was later thrown to the ground on a concrete bridge too. It was amazing to see her 'gel filled bottom' just like chicken fillets (girls, you know what I mean) but for your bum. 

Eventually we wrapped some time after 4pm and then it was time to drive through Central London....but that's a whole other story!

Strangely enough, I was later asked back to a casting for a featured role but sadly, I couldn't make the casting. Who knows what would have happened if I did?!

Cardinal Burns

Whilst working on one of the previous films, I received a call asking if I would be prepared to be featured in a comedy sketch show wearing nothing but my bra and pants in a hot tub!
After everyone had finished laughing, including myself, I though why not? and replied yes.
After various phone calls I was finally confirmed for the job. As you can imagine, the choosing of the underwear became the major focal point in my life! Too skimpy, too big, too bright, too darketc. I finally decided on a couple of sets and put them to one side.

Costume phoned - change of plan - no hot tub sketch, just wear office clothing. Well, I felt a bit deflated. Not that I have the perfect body, far from it. I probably have more wobbly bits than anyone else AND in more places but  I felt it was time to shake off that person that always changed in the girls loos  too afraid in case people peeked. Peeked at what I'm not quite sure but anyway, the challenge had been taken away so I would never know whether I could do it or not. 

I turned up for a 7am call at Wimbledon Studios (fab  place - always fab food) and grabbed breakfast. I went for the full English seeing as I didn't have to show anybody anything. Delicious! I got chatting to the girl at the next  table, Kathy. It turned out she was also doing the sketch too. Our point of contact for the day, Dan came over and said that  we were too early as the call time wasn't until 9.45am.... Oh well, plenty of free food, coffee, good company so I was quite happy anyway. However, Dan returned with

"As you are so early we thought we'd reinstate the hot tub scene". I imagine my face went from white to an eerie shade of green. What was he talking about? My underwear was at home - admittedly my current undies weren't too bad - bog standard black boys shorts but no spares! (I later found a pair tucked into my backpack and have always carried a spare pair since!) We walked with confidence into wardrobe or so it looked. We started to strip and then giggle. We were both wearing the same black underwear (or so it seemed). 

"You can't look the same" said Wardrobe as they handed me a stripey pair of  pants with an ill fitting lilac bra. Now, I quite like my boobs, they are neither too big, too small, have yet to start sliding south and they are practically the only bit of me that I can muster any enthusiasm over. However, in this bra they simply became invisible - nowhere to be seen. Kathy, on the other hand, had a glorious pair spilling over and looking, well, rather full. Robes were donned and slippers given to us. Off we went to the hot tub. At least I could  hide underneath the bubbles so it wouldn't be too bad would it. I mean, how bad could it be?

I started to feel a bit better, confidence began to return. Let's do it!  Into the room we went which now had the crew in plus the 3 main actors. The room didn't feel that warm and where oh where were the bubbles?? Deep breath , robe off and into the nice hot....wait a minute , scrap that, luke warm water! No luxuries of hot water for us because the camera lens would steam up. There we sat, occasionally being revived by a hot cup of tea for what  seemed like, a couple of hours until shivering had commenced and goose pimples were  gradually shared round the tub. Rehearsal, action, finally all over. Into the by now, damp robes as we had been let out a couple of times which was worse as we knew what we were  getting back in to! Just think,  some people like to think this work is glamorous...Still, there was the office party to look forward to - but that's another story! Look out for Cardinal Burns E4 in April (just  don't look for  my boobs!!)

Frozen Assets!

I had just finished playing Mrs Van Daan in The Diary of Anne Frank 

when a text came through for the place where lots of murders are committed - could I play a gym user?  Having not ventured near a gym for at least a year ( yes I know I should do) it was with some trepidation that I dug out the black trackies, t shirt and oh not so white trainers. Anyway, the trackies were long enough to cover them weren't they? It was in a slightly odd place - the Chesham United Football Club, Bucks, especially for us non locals to find. We went past this lovely looking health club and I did kind of  hope that it was the place we were to be filmed. No such luck. Breakfast finished (everyone knows you can't film on an empty stomach) and into the cars. I was paid extra for using my car and all it did was to sit in a car park for the morning!

A theatre had been transformed outside to look like a real gym - in fact it had me fooled until I realised the lack of gym gear! Easy job - walk in and out, talk to partner. After coffee and biscuits (remember what I said about the empty stomach)  we went  over to the park to freeze our butts off. It was November after all and standing in a cold damp park did nothing to  lift anyones spirits. After not being used at all we were off to lunch (see, it's all about the food!). We later returned and my partner and I had to go and feed the ducks / geese. We ended up being like 'Bird Women' as more and more geese, ducks and whatever else took it's fancy came swooping down or with the geese more perilously close to biting us - they were even biting each other and not in a good way! We started to laugh and the more we laughed the more ridiculous it seemed - and we couldn't even hear "Action" or "Reset" anyway! It certainly made up for the morning part anyway. Later on I was partnered with a lovely man and we had to walk endlessly up  and down the grassy bank. However, just to the side of us was a circular exercise place where others were jumping up and down, running around like lunatics to each different exercise place. I was very glad that I wasn't part of it especially as one or two seemed to find it incredibly hard going! We wrapped later than I would have liked especially as I was frozen solid - note to self - buy better thermals!!

The Not So Cool Paramedic!

A  job appeared via one of my sites - I applied. It was to be a Paramedic and they would provide full uniform. It was a fantastically sunny day in October which was just as well as we were all sat outside the house under a gazebo for the day. I walked in and said 'Hi" to all the Police in riot outfits and to the Scene of Crimes Officer - one man was showing how to load, fire and use the guns so that the actors weren't just 'playing' with them. You never know quite what you're walking in to! After biscuits and coffee, I began to wonder where the rest of my team were. I soon found out that I was the one and only Paramedic!
After lunch (fish and chips) the filming seemed to move on a bit quicker and finally I was called.
I had to take one of the main actors, Kevin Bishop, past the other main actor, Jack Doolan. Kevin (or his character) would appear to be distressed whilst Jacks character was in the main, p***ed off. At one point the character appears from a basement, however, no basement in the house so the downstairs loo was used! 3 of us in a small downstairs loo with the lights off...
Kevin and the lading  actress ( I apologise - I don't remember her name) appeared to getting up to all sorts but soon stopped when I said " I'm sure my daughter would love to be in my position right now, but I have to admit, I have no idea who you are."

Sometimes, my brain decides to act by itself and the monitoring bit cuts out and I find myself saying things to people that would have been best left unsaid... Silence.....Mental note to self look up Kevin Bishop when home.  Luckily, he seemed fairly unfazed about it and we moved on to getting him out of the loo, past Jack and outside the front door.
It was lucky that I did look him up as I was to be asked back at a later date!

The Music Video

Advert on Starnow caught my eye: Actors wanted to play Cruft Judges for a music video. Give it a go I thought. I applied and was called to a casting in Wardour Street. You never know what sort of stuff you are going to be asked to do at a casting so I sat there waiting to be called in to the room with a gentleman that had arrived just after me. We had to sit at the table and pretend dogs were coming in to the room and we were to judge them. First we had to love the dogs then we had to pull faces to show disdain at a mongrel type dog. The writer was in the room and it was all filmed.
That took place  on the Friday, the job was on the Tuesday so I had to wait over the weekend. By Monday lunch time I thought the job must have gone to someone else, never mind. I then, got a call from costume asking me to  bring country type clothes to the following days shoot. I explained that I didn't have the job as yet. I waited for what seemed like an eternity and finally the call came through. I'd got it.  I would need to be at Wimbledon Studios at 8am the following morning. No problem. Parking was available - great.  However, I had never driven around Wimbledon before (and never have done since!) and I wasn't prepared for the amount of speed cameras, traffic lights etc plus the most enormous amount of traffic. I always leave hours in advance of a job but this one left me 15 minutes late! Straight into hair and make up. Luckily I always do my own make up and hair was fluffed and costumed donned in under 30 minutes. Not bad! Having been dressed by costume to resemble Barbara Woodhouse myself and two other judges sat down at a judging table within a show ring. There were lots of supporting artists in the stands behind us. Suddenly in came Will Young and the dog, Levi. They did a fabulous routine together with the trainer standing near by. It had taken 3 days of work to get them to this standard. It was amazing to watch this dog dancing around the show ring to Will Youngs song "Come On".

Later on other dogs joined with their "owner" - people chosen because they resembled one of the dogs - I imagine one or two must have felt insulted! It was a lovely day and after being fed, watered and paid we finally wrapped later in the evening. Enjoy the  result!